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Current Rant

Alaska Airlines Sucks

All airlines are benefiting from the new low bar set by United Airlines.

Case in point: Alaska Airlines.
Highly praised, I don't know why.
Service? What service? You do everything yourself! So if you have a particularly high regard of yourself, sure, the service is great!
They nickel and dime you for everything, and pass the savings on to themselves!

Their current inflight magazine boasts of how they're “sharing the love”: “Combining our fleets allows us to streamline our flying, which in turn sets us up for more growth in the future” – Hurrah! I'm so happy for the Alaska corporate suite! Meanwhile, I have to pay for luggage, pay for food, and even pay for in-flight entertainment. There are no screens in the seats (anymore?) and if you don't want to preload whatever (cr)App du jour before boarding to your own device (there's the self service again – best service there is!) you can rent a screen onboard! The advantage of renting their screen is it supposedly fits into the slot in the seatback in front of you so you don't have to precariously balance your own for 5 hours. (Hey -- free workout! They should figure out a way to charge for that...)

Alaska Airlines, pros:

  • They don't physically drag you off the plane on a whim (yet?)
  • Service as good as you want it, because you do it all yourself
  • That awful dilemma of the pasta or the chicken has been eliminated for you
  • Television is bad for you, they'll help you kick the habit
  • Arms like Popeye if you do insist on watching TV

    Suggestions to squeeze more money for bonuses for the CEO:

  • Charge for the view! Window shades can be fitted with a money slot – insert a dollar for the screen to go up for 1 minute.
  • Rent the seat cushions, and schedule more “unscheduled” water landings
  • Really, all this “No Frills Airlines” material was mined by Mad Magazine back in the 70s – only they were kidding...

    I filled out a customer satisfaction survey while on board to while away the time (and to perversely use the inflight internet without paying for it) distilling the above points into the survey questions, which all started along the lines of "Tell us how we can continue to provide the great service we provide..."; I gave each question phrased like that the minimum rating possible, and then explained in the comment section that by trying to frame my response ("Have you stopped beating your wife?"), they just arouse even more of my ire.
    So now here is the response I get to my survey complaint:

    September 5, 2017

    Dear Karl,

    Thank you for sharing your comments on Alaska Listens regarding your recent travel experience from Portland to Newark. It's our goal to make sure every trip you have on Alaska goes smoothly. The best way for us to do that is hearing from you.

    In an industry where customer service is vital, we have always made every effort to provide exceptional service and value to our customers and I regret to hear of your disappointment with our fees. While we would ideally prefer to never increase our fares or fees, it will at times be necessary in order to remain competitive in this economy and industry. That being said, we do have some of the lowest fees in the industry and will always strive to be competitive in this way. We will work diligently to maintain high customer service standards and along with my sincere apology for any inconvenience you experienced, I have taken the liberty of sharing your concerns with revenue management for their review.

    Karl, it is my hope that your future flights with us will reflect the high level of service you have come to expect when traveling with us. We value your patronage and look forward to welcoming you aboard another Alaska flight soon.


    Michel Lambe
    Customer Care Representative

    Wow! Untouched by human hands...

                      ' ",      *
    Karl Wagenführ        ,        "Weisst du, wieviel Sternlein stehen an dem
    karl.wagenfuehr.net   ,  '     blauen Himmelszelt?"  --Deutsches Volkslied

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